👩‍👧‍👦Worst Mother of the Year

🍀March 14th | 16:01

Friends and family applaud what great parenting skills I’m supposed to have. I don’t think of it that way at all. Sure. I 📖 to them every night on the weekdays. I’m a hard discipline when it comes to their education, morals, and life cores. I support their ⭐️✨dreams and goals and encourage them to pursue them. I even go as far as to admit my own faults. I use them as examples of what 🚫🙅🏾‍♀️ to do and express profoundly the necessity of positive energy and friends.

I praise them to be themselves and no matter what never shame them for who they are. Even when society deems them as inappropriate or unethical. Because let’s face it💁🏾‍♀️ Nowadays, everyone thinks they know everything about everything and everyone. I am one of the few unlucky weird ones who admit, I don’t 🙋🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ And I’m comfortable with that. I want my kids to be comfortable too.

With that said, I’m not perfect. I cuss a lot 🤬 I say things inappropriate that I regret in front of my children that I have to sometimes rephrase or explain in “child lingo” 👦🏿 👑 👧🏿so they don’t get the wrong idea about dear ol’ mom. I’m crude. 🗣I say things like, “school hates parents because they keep letting you guys out” or “a whole week with you nerds is going to drive me insane. I need to find y’all some activities so y’all can get the fuck out of the house so I can have some grown-up fun,” and mean it😗

I don’t agree with the 🏫 I don’t attend activities. Princess is well, a princess. My prince of chaos, you get where I’m going. When he does get in trouble, depending on the circumstances, I don’t discipline him to their standards so I’m told I’m a disappointment by the principal 🤷🏾‍♀️

👩‍⚖️In my defense, I’m a firm believer in justice severed. What I mean by that is this is… 👩‍🏫Here is an example that actually happened a few days ago. Prince of Chaos was supposed to be taking a computer test. Instead, he was caught changing the coding. He was given a verbal warning AND told he was unable to attend the field trip the next day. Furious, he turned around in FRONT of the computer lab teacher and his homeroom teacher and began coding once more👨🏾‍💻🤦🏾‍♀️

His teacher called me after school to let me know he had got written up and wasn’t going on the field. I gave him a hard lecture about not doing his work… And getting caught😏😅 Yes, I’m a supporter of his hacks only if he’s not caught 🤔why? Because he has to start from somewhere. If he’s interested in coding at this age, I’m going to support him💯 . However, I have rules:

1️⃣ You can’t get caught

2️⃣ It can’t interfere with your education

📵His punishment:

No computer. No Fronite. No Roblox. No life for him. After a few hours, okay minutes, I admitted it was hilarious 😂 I laughed. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed in my prince. But I guess it surprised even me that he did what he did. So when the principal asked what my reaction was and he simply told her I laughed, of course, she was “disappointed”.

😒 WTFE Bruh💁🏾‍♀️

So yeah, I’m not the best mother. I totally admit that shit. I own it. My children knows it too. Would I change my behavior, knowing that I know this about myself🤔 No. I ❤️ who I am. I enjoy that I’m erratically 🙃🤪😝 Unpredictable. Intelligent. Unmanageable. I’m one of a kind. My children may not have the best mother but I’m pretty sure I’m not the worst, worst Mother. Oh, Lord I hope I’m not😬

Prince of Chaos 🎮 ▪️ Queen
K 👑 ▪️ Princess Temptress 🎀

💖🐺💖

The love of a mother is the veil of a softer light between the heart and the heavenly Father.

-SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

A Lil This… A Lil That

One of my many downfalls is breaking consistency. I’ll stop 👩‍💻, ✍️, 📖. Stop 💪🚶‍♀️and eating 🍎🥗🍊🥦. I’ll completely take advantage of the fact I’m on mine 💩😎 . Slowly slipping off the 🏇. This go round’ 🤔💭 I’m following through on all impulse and running with it.

🎉🙌 Productivity 🙌🎊

A few things…📋☑️

• I’m on the ball with ebon affects my freelance iconic imprint. At first, it was established for my digital services but then 🤔💭 long and hard about what it represents and what it could represent… 😮Eureka! Why not include all my professional endeavors💁 which include 📚novels, 📖short stories📰news articles, 📸 and hopefully one-day photography and 📈📊💻 social media marketing. A whole potluck of services that with consistency I can be great in. Don’t be a stranger check out ebon affects Facebook page, Twitter and Instagram account and if you like what you see follow!! Also, visit ebonaffects.com. It’s my official website and portfolio. It’s still in the WIP stage. I have some many wonderful ideas 🤓

• 

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• 🏫I’m is not sure if I told ya but I 🎓 with a certificate in media communications. Yay, 🎉😊😁🙌 From the same university I was granted another all paid opportunity. This time to finish my associates in creative writing. Riveting yes I know.

• 

• 

Lastly, I wanted to say that I had several mental moments where I thought for a while I was going to stay in a dark hole. It was quite uncomfortable and cold. I was angry all the time. Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Irritated. Confused. Why was this happening to me? Why couldn’t I control myself? Why is this happening to me?!! Why is everyone looking at me like I’m crazy?!! Am I?!!! Damn it please, Lord, please someone tell me please give me answers!!….

Well, sweet honey-drop. You are bipolar.

🌻To be continued lovelies

a walk

☕August 3rd | 8:12 pm

as an artist i believe we see the world a tad different from others. when the sun sets it’s jus not an orange and yellow glow. it’s a bursting of bright tones, ranging from the different shades of yellow. orange. red. the sky isn’t jus blue and pink. it’s a collide of colors stretching across the earth. it’s fascinating. walking has it’s benefits. wouldn’t you agree?🤔💭

👩🏾‍🎓when worlds collide

👋🏾hello friends. this week (past week or so) is a lil busy. kiddos are out of school for summer, amid job searching and doing what I must to get my name and brand out in the world🤯 it’s a lot for someone who spent most of their life procrastinating their own growth. i’m overwhelmed more than usual lately. mainly because of the kids bickering and fighting over lil words (princess) or ragin over every damn loss on the xbox (prince). it’s difficult being an official single parent. but i got this. What happened to me and princess’s father? well, our difference finally got the best of us. four years of ‘being the bigger person’ in a six-year relationship finally melted my psychic.

i deserve more damnit! i deserve someone who not only loves me but wants to do as much for me as I for them. so, we separated. like prince’s father, princess’s too stepped out of their life with the excuse that he’s ‘workin’ 🤨😐yea, okay.

however, i do admit it. it could be me. but I’m quite sure it’s not. I’m faithful. Loyal. And when I give my heart. I give it. not a quarter. not half. all of it💁🏾‍♀️ but that’s me.

as of late ebon affects is my focus. with graduation around the cornerthe assignments are tailored to career and brand development, which is a lil weird feelin for some odd reason?

🎉👏🏾 want to applaud everyone who succeeded in their entrepreneur career. its damn hard! but you kept at it and now you’re reeling in your accomplishments. sincerely, you’re awesome🤝🏾

that’s where i am now. i’ve set the foundation and now i’m building my castle.

Clientele #1 had a few more edits before the official embroidery design. yea, cool right? i designed a logo that’s going to be ironed on polo shirts. representing creative elegance planning and ebon affects. local advertising is a lil excitin😎

i am in more in tune with my Lord father. i feel there is more i need to learn before i can come at peace with the knowledge that circles around Him. my faith is guiding me. i’m taking that step forward. that queasy and unfamiliar step forward. alone. as it should be. everyone at some point in their life must walk their own journey. it’s a self-accomplishment victory thing that boosts you more than anything.

Check out my latest inspiration in honored of 🎆Independence 🎉Day 4^th of July🎇

🎇Nora Roberts Quote🎆

🎆Divyanka Tripaythi Quote🎇

👑i’s a snappin🌼

☕coffee break

it’s been the most eye-revealing weeks i’ve experience thus far, and i know its goin to continue to get better. i jus have to keep up with what i’m doin. i see the positive changes as it takes form in to a beautiful flower of opportunities.

current desktop wallpaper

i do consider myself broken. emotionally. mentally. i allowed my past to define my future. understanding the cause of my unhappiness is one thing. it’s easier to wallow and sulk in the knowing. but comin up with a solution to end the despondent nights alone, crying with no reason other than my own self-loathing and guilt; is another thing.

it takes a lot to cross that threshold of certainty. relief. purpose. it’s not jus any pass way. everythin believed to be buried or forgotten comes back in a problematic arithmetic (binge on Sherlock on Netflix 😋) of memories and the only way to cross is to recognize, understand, and forgive yourself for whatevea which lingers on your mind. no matter the time frame of its existence.

in a way it’s like how Sherlock Holmes process information. words, images, and mostly emotions flood through me all at once. now i have this truth that only i collected. i can’t blame anyone. i can try, but my conscious will subtly remind me of the choices i’ve made.

it felt like i was holding my breath for what seems as forever and then finally gave in to my body’s awesome involuntary precautions to stay alive. i went through that water dumping minor electrifying feelin… and crossed my threshold.

this quote is from an anime series called Black Butler… ❤❤❤ 😍Sebestian😍

yup this woman here is blooming. my first fresh breath of prosperity was sending my resume with a link to my online portfolio to the local magazine and newspaper.

started back writing. used Tellus, my baby yet to be birth, as an example of my artsy capabilities

that same day i had an interview with the editor. i feel official. the position requires exploring, writing with constructive feedback, and photographing Bartlesville.

🙌🏾woot woot🙌🏾

…all with a possibility of some coins!! Don’t get me wrong, i’ll be down if my article isn’t chosen but the adventure! the experience!

awesomesauce

a few updates:

school is awesome. currently takin the last course before i get them certificate papers😊😁

clientele #1 loves her logo:

and of course, over at ebon affects the inspirations keep coming inspiring all my queens out there!

*side note* 🎶Babylon by Brendan Perry Ark has a very nice opening.

i am a designer. a strategist. a creative visionary and i am honored to have awesome followers like you🌼 thank you 💕

☕

👉friends👋 i’ve miss your virtual 👀

🌙good evening, friends 👋

📰 again, i share good yet complainee life update. first, i hope everyone is doin well. as of i? this lil 🦗 has leveled in rank. i am now shadow, the ninja

😂🤣it feels good to say things like that. it means the stress i feel is good stress yet stress nonetheless. i am happy… still 👍

spring has brought upon us summer 🔥 one day then overcast and cool 🌬 the next. yes, Oklahoma has af weather 🤷‍♀️…. 😒… i seriously need a new venue, staying any longer and i’ll be dead by rapid seasonal allergy attack 😖🤮🤒🤧

don’t worry for the time being i’m protected by the trusted Zyrtec, which actually turned out to make on its promise 👏😨 you don’t know how much it’s savin my life out here in the country.

now, about that level-up. i mention in an earlier entry of my amazing employment opportunity. when i’m at work, i’m sam and sam is overly friendly and super nice and quite efficient and reliable. she’s a family gal. a home bound single mom who’s in the process of establishing her brand; her professional identity.  it’s stressful, i’ll admit, but a change in diet and vitamins keeps me goin. plus, my crazy pills dosage adjustment request got approved. i’ve been on them babies since day one i receive the call that they were ready 🙅‍♀️🚫 i refuse to go down that dark hole voluntarily. if i want to be happy. i have to feel happy.  i’m all me and my royallets 👑 🤴👸🐶

it’s been about a week settling in the new “j.o.b” 😄 i seriously give it my 💯 it’s minimum wage, but the experience i gain is worth a lot more and looks pretty nice on the resume 😏 ijs. yesterday, i received a call from another employer that i applied around the time i applied for where i am now… the grocery store 🍑🍎🍒💐 i, the too-honest person i am informed my current and potential employer of said current hours. the great news is that the potential employer is looking for day shifts and i’m training to be a closure at my current. pluuuuus… they agreed to work around each other so that i’ll always have at least two off days. awesomesauce right? 😁

i understand the toll this will take on my body and mind juggling family, two jobs, freelancing and school. i am not dropping one for the other. think of this as me disciplining myself. if i use my time appropriately i’d have less stress than i would if i don’t. aside from family and household duties, i’m saving for my trip in august. since it’s school related and if i keep up my reliable and efficient record, the days i’ll be out of state will not interfere with my employment at both locations.

speaking of the good ol’ school. last week i received a zero for the week’s tasks. i didn’t do it and i honestly cannot say why. it lowered my grade to an eighty-seven. i turned in the required tasks for week six, which makes (this) monday the start of week seven tasks then its portfolio and then i’m takin my last course before i get my certificate in media communications 🙌😁🙌 which i hope adds a lil shine to the resume too.

i have below week six task one completed assignment. the word count is between one hundred and one hundred fifty. though, it is short the point is to write a compelling and aesthetics piece using as few words as possible.

task one: “full sail quoted” write a 100-150-word reflection and brainstorming post that explains how you want the world to think of YOU and your brand. What shapes or icons might represent you? Which colors best represent the brand you want to present to the world?

How will my targeted audience perceive me? How will my children? How do I want to be perceived? With each reaction that comes my way, how will I respond? It’s these questions that evolves me with time and experience. My actions determine my character not only for those I love but those I respect and am grateful to as well. Depression has changed my perspective. I learned that life is never fair and to move forward and succeed, I must utilize what I have present earnest and honestly. I want the audience, my family, to see my mysterious blooming spirit through a garden nurtured and flourishing with my fallen and victorious accomplishments. Accept what I cannot change and challenge what I can.

🌼week six task one update:

😁🙌💯💯🙌😁

clientele update: the right is, or i would like to be, the finish logo. what do you think? should it be fine tuned a lil more?

april 22nd

may 15th

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