Merry Christmas

🎄tonight…

December 25th | 20:04

I wish, I could say, I’m blogging tonight on good terms. I am experiencing another one of life lil choices. Before I go into the choice, I would like to provide a lil backstory. October 2011, I met a guy who had potential to be more than what he appeared. I believed and trusted and kept thinking that in due time he will see what loving a family means. A year later we had our precious princess. I ignored the signs that told me otherwise, that this man, who I truly wanted to become more than what he was, was not that man. Yet a snake in the grass. He cheated. He lied. Manipulated. Twisted the one thing he knew he could twist and bend and took advantage of me like a fiddle. A repeated song, that played for 6 years until finally, after nearly losing my life, my family, and myself, I broke free.

Now, though I want nothing to do with this snake, we have a princess together and I couldn’t jus take her father from her, even though he sat for 6 years of her life on the couch, on the bed, smoking marijuana and playing videos games. He had no real contribute to her life other than his mother who he ripped off with lies about how he needed money to do this and that. I put up with that when were together. Thinking that I didn’t have to suffer to that lack of ambiguous and self-resilient life, I bent backwards and forward to co-parent with this man and now his girlfriend/ “wife”.  

Yea, I know. It seems like I’m jus the jealous ex. Slandering the father of her daughter because they’re not together. Please, believe me when I say this: leaving him was the healthiest and righteous thing I could do for me and my children. I have no envious bone towards what they built. But I do have a problem with the environment if I feel like its unhealthy for princess. Again, seems like jealousy. Maybe a lil part of me is jealous that his good for nothin ass found someone else but I’m not surprised and has or ever will plan to homewreck what they have. I sincerely despised the man with an eternal flame that ignited the 1st year of our relationship and has been blazing since. What I dislike about this family that the 8-year-old girl or 10-year-old boy have no respect for their mother and talks quite awful about her mother’s new partner. Though I don’t blame them. He is truly poison.

These children are subjected to a life that is not heavily impacted by education, which bothers me so because education is highly important to me and is the foundation of a better future. Instead these children run with no shoes nor warm clothing in below temperature weather. Honestly, I feel very judgmental, but I believe it’s what I overhear and what I observe that is unnerving. They have no respect for their parents and jus explode with anger when they disagree with their parents and she does nothing to address it. It happens so much that my own princess believed that she too could do that. I attempted to plead with her father and his girlfriend my concerns, but they disregarded it like I spat nonsense. I do not like being disrespected, especially by a child. I’ve tried, and God knows how I tried to co-parent. But truth be told, I’ve been raising my children alone all this time, I don’t want any help. I can’t fathom how they can live with no furniture but have money to splurge on junk and drugs.

I know very well it’s me. I do not want my children around that type of living. They’ve already isolated my son saying that he can’t come over their place yet let their children do what they want. So, tonight I gave in to the hate broiling inside and told her father she would not be over his house or around that family as much. I am restricting her from that environment and him. I know, I’m the bad mom. The bitch. The jealous ex. Whatever. Call me what you feel. But I am done working things out.  I am done trying to get along with people who are not serious about their children future.

She’s going to hate me I know, my princess. But I’m willingly to bite that bullet. Fuck with everyone else has to say. Fuck how everyone else will feel. I truly and for the first time, do not give a fuck. I am exhausted.

For now on, I am that petty bitch. That “baby mama” who does everything in her right to get what she deserves, especially when it comes to my children.

I am now playing the role of the villain.

👩🏾‍🎓when worlds collide

👋🏾hello friends. this week (past week or so) is a lil busy. kiddos are out of school for summer, amid job searching and doing what I must to get my name and brand out in the world🤯 it’s a lot for someone who spent most of their life procrastinating their own growth. i’m overwhelmed more than usual lately. mainly because of the kids bickering and fighting over lil words (princess) or ragin over every damn loss on the xbox (prince). it’s difficult being an official single parent. but i got this. What happened to me and princess’s father? well, our difference finally got the best of us. four years of ‘being the bigger person’ in a six-year relationship finally melted my psychic.

i deserve more damnit! i deserve someone who not only loves me but wants to do as much for me as I for them. so, we separated. like prince’s father, princess’s too stepped out of their life with the excuse that he’s ‘workin’ 🤨😐yea, okay.

however, i do admit it. it could be me. but I’m quite sure it’s not. I’m faithful. Loyal. And when I give my heart. I give it. not a quarter. not half. all of it💁🏾‍♀️ but that’s me.

as of late ebon affects is my focus. with graduation around the cornerthe assignments are tailored to career and brand development, which is a lil weird feelin for some odd reason?

🎉👏🏾 want to applaud everyone who succeeded in their entrepreneur career. its damn hard! but you kept at it and now you’re reeling in your accomplishments. sincerely, you’re awesome🤝🏾

that’s where i am now. i’ve set the foundation and now i’m building my castle.

Clientele #1 had a few more edits before the official embroidery design. yea, cool right? i designed a logo that’s going to be ironed on polo shirts. representing creative elegance planning and ebon affects. local advertising is a lil excitin😎Basic RGB

i am in more in tune with my Lord father. i feel there is more i need to learn before i can come at peace with the knowledge that circles around Him. my faith is guiding me. i’m taking that step forward. that queasy and unfamiliar step forward. alone. as it should be. everyone at some point in their life must walk their own journey. it’s a self-accomplishment victory thing that boosts you more than anything.

Check out my latest inspiration in honored of 🎆Independence 🎉Day 4th of July🎇

Independence

🎇Nora Roberts Quote🎆

Liberty

🎆Divyanka Tripaythi Quote🎇

st. patty day massacare☘

St. Patrick’s Day is closin in and for the first time and a very long time, i’m excited to start writing. i didn’t know much about the holiday so i did a lil self study and learned quite a bout good ol’ St. Patrick. …📖🧠a Christian converting Irish folks 🤔

 

friends, these past few months have been tryin. i need to unwind and i know a few people i would like to decapitate in this short but i’ll leave that decision to the characters.

 

happy birthday me

it’s been a minute my friends. 2018 has approached and now i’m making my way into the month like a warrior trampling enemy territory. i have faced many trails, testing my will, faith, and heart.  i have seen the me in the past and the me now. we are not as different than as i’d hope. we crossed the same bridges. fell through the same holes. shed the same tears.

the wound inflicted on my 28th birthday gouged any hope of returning to normal. my instincts are heightened, and i know it’s time to jump in to something new. something positive. something that makes surviving livable. and i have.

🌼‘if you don’t like something, change it. if you can’t change it, change your attitude’ maya angelou🌼

no way in hell i’m going to continue sacrificing for an enthralling peter pan story. as much as it hurts, i let go. i let go to what i believed was normal. i’m honest with myself and it stings. i just admitted to myself that iwas a n00b. bacon hair as bubba calls them. level one all over again. i also admitted my weakness, reality and the possibilities. it’s terrifying, i’m sure my anxiety is the culprit for my blood pressure raising.

but, i’m a thousand Kamehameha! sure there’s nothing waiting for me doting on what could be. i know something is going to happen now and i know, i’m going to curse myself a hundred thousand Kamehameha times, but i’m moving forward✌

and that is where i stand to this day

how was your new year friends?

🎃 finally a reason to be scary

21 days until Halloween and I’ve been designing like crazy to celebrate. I mean, who doesn’t like Halloween, right? Free 🍬. i can dress like kid and no one will think i’ve lost it. and, my favorite… trick, trick, trick.

0.2_burrowed hole