Long Ways From Nothin

Let’s try something out of the box. Let’s remove insecurities and doubts. Love and complications, worries, and whatnots.

Now, let’s move forward without a thought. Following our instincts, I ask; where are you now?…

I’ll tell you where I am. I’m neither somewhere terrible nor fantastic. I have an apartment again after losing everything, and I mean everything. Lost several jobs and my home. I plummeted into a never-ending dark tunnel. I failed two of my creative writing courses and graphics design business… Yeah, what company?

Tragically disappointing. I was disgusted in myself during that time and smoked through my sorrows to pass the days. I moved from the country to the city.

But I manage. Adjusted. I have a job, graduated with a associates in creative writing. Working towards getting back into school to finish my ultimate goal of getting my bachelors in graphics design. The business hasn’t fallen apart jus put aside to work on financial bearings and stability. I was a tad dramatic, yes but the feelings are just. I spent a solid two years coming out and building my business. I wasn’t ready to put aside but it was something I had to do to if I wanted to see it thrive tomorrow. I calmed. Accepted. Adapted. I’m good. Everything is golden. And I’ve even got back to my hobby, photography! Though, I’m not in the country I’m still close. Beautiful, aren’t they?

So what’s my deal? Honestly, I’m not happy professionally. I’m satisfied with my employer. I even got promoted with a raise less than two months after training but it’s not me. I’m not customer service, ya know, Luvs?

I’m creative. I love color and exploring and creating. I dabbled in journalism, and that’s not me either. I’m not that kind of artistic mediator. It’s been well over ten years, Luvs. I’ve blamed it on my depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, my situations, my family, my relationships its time to face the real reason– it’s me. I’m scared to look for work in the graphics design field or anything related because I’m terrified of rejection. I can handle being rejected in anything else, but in graphics design, my life work, I don’t know. That frightens my soul which burns design.

But I have to do this. I’m not happy professionally and I’m not helping my family nor myself settling for something I know I don’t want to do. So, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna look for work in the graphics design field in Tulsa, OK. What’s the worst thing that can happen–oh, I know! Rejection, criticism, normal job hunting reality.

Lovely.

3 Comments on “Long Ways From Nothin

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