Thru It All

This was originally posted on my supposedly hidden blog but I forgot my hidden credentials and have been regularly posting using my daily login… Ha..he..yeah. Before I share this short sweet poem, ya know I like to update about my life. So, I’m going to do that real fast.

I’m still struggling with my depression. Um, now more than ever. It hurts to focus on what’s needed when what’s required is not engaging or visually satisfying. When I’m in my dark place, I like to zone out. Be alone. Get lost in art. I spend a lot of time on my computer designing, working on client work. However that doesn’t bring in the coins like I’d like. Conflicting.

It became a great struggle after I discovered the enormous amount of rain caved in the garage that stored all of my possessions and destroyed everything. Pictures of my children. Drawings from 2009 that meant so much more. Gone. Soaked and/or molded. Mostly both. Rummaging through everything was a toll not only on my heart, I also got sick the next day.

I can’t lie and say I wanted to scream and give up. I can’t lie and say I want to do that now, but I held it together.

Now, I have an apartment. Now, I’m getting back on track, slowly. I completed this course assignment. Graduation is approaching steadily. I recently got a promotion in my customer service job. And picked up a few clients for my graphic design business. Yes, my life is picking back up and becoming chaotic with each day, but I got this.

I have to remember to slow down. To enjoy the lil things and moments in life. Because you never know when you’ll lose someone and I have loss someone. My brother. I lossed him a day ago, and I’ll never get him back. Never. My lil bro who played too many pranks and couldn’t sit still for anything. My lil bro who teamed with my other bro and ran the streets like screeching monkeys just because they could. My lil bro who grew up into a fine man yet still underneath the facial hair and cockiness was still my goofy bro. His life was snuffed from him, and I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.

• Lil Bro

To think time has stopped for you

Is something I cannot come to terms

You are my lil brother. My big head. My germ.

You played too much bro. You just didn’t understand the word no.

I don’t remember much about my past

But I remember my friends; they are my pack

Thru trauma of type, you were there being you

So, I lost more than a friend; I lost a brother too

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