Awkward In A Good Way
🛀 Morning lovelies.
🤔 Where to begin…😬
😅Oh yes, it’s been one of those transitions. Awkward in a good way tho 😁🙌
It feels awkward talking about it. I feel like I’m being too prideful and that jus doesn’t fit well with me🙅
Maybe that’s how I’m feeling because its past my bedtime😴 Possible.
Let’s start off with a simple life is never simple. And sometimes, jus sometimes, I wish I can climb somebody’s attic (because I don’t have one) and hide up there for a bit.
M E N T A L 🌻 I L L N E S S
I’ve written about my lonely judgemental friend depression. I’ve gone into grand detail about her emotional attacks to my mentality. How she dampens my creativity. Constricts my social interactions. She’s a pretty mean 🤬 in a suicidal way.
Every month she gets a visit from aunt flow🥀. Now that flower power menstrual only encourages her to do her worse😠😈
However, someone else moved in. Her name is bipolar…
😣 This is actually a very sensitive subject for me. I can’t believe, I typed the words and posted it 😮😔 it’s one thing to think about something heavy on your and another when you complete the actions to share it online.
I keep finding myself trying to be happy and upbeat to write this post, but that’s not how I feel anymore.
Wow 😔 seriously. Jus wow. It has been a constant high and low for the past few days, maybe a week. If I’m being completely honest with myself that’s why I’m not going to church this morning. My emotions are 🐵🐒🐵🐒🐵🐒🐵🐒 chasing 🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌
This isn’t the first time, I’ve felt this way. In August 2016 right before I nearly lost my life to asthma. That was my detailed education about mental illness. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, recurrent. Events leading to that (I literally jus now understood) traumatic experience.
Putting everything on the line for the man I ❤️💘. Yup, that was it. I’m so glad, I decided to blog this morning 🙌👏
R E L A T I O N S H I P 💟 S T A T U S
Yes, I said it. Men. My partner. My companion. My ❤️ is my greatest weakness and strength. It’s definitely one of those “it’s complicated” situations. I trust my boyfriend…
🗣️Quick sidenote: we came up with these cute nicknames 🤭🤭 so throughout the blog I shall address him as king 🤭❤️🤗 👌
I trust him with my soul. But the situation we’re in haunts the fuck out of me😫😭👻. It’s not him. It’s not his fault the traumatic 💩 I went through left me paranoid asf 🙊😔😖
😓 So, my emotions are wired. Everyone is telling me to keep myself occupied. Stay proactive. Be productive☝️ Think positive 😊
R E F L E C T I O N ☕
▪️I’m growing closer spiritually each day 🕊️ That’s one factor I lacked back then. My faith wasn’t strong enough. Jesus saved me this year and God has shown me mercy and Grace 🙏 The path I 👣 is an🏞️🗻⛰️🌄 I’m nowhere close to where He wants me to be. I’m reading His words each night. More than I have in my entire life, actually. I find comfort in His all-knowing 😌
▪️📚📙 The end of the current course is March 3rd. 🤔 I enjoyed this class. It allowed us to venture the careers in the visual arts industry through disciplines. 😊😙😎 I researched animation and graphic design 🎨🖥️. Studying anime was 😌🍃 and brought back glorious memories. So much I’m really debating on getting back in to 🤓🤯. There’s only one problem…
I am addicted to anime. Once I start, I can’t stop 😬. I haven’t watched it 😭 in two years 💔. When I think about watching jus one shounen series, I remember them days 🖥️😌🤓🌾…
12 hours 🕒⏳… 🖥️🤪🤓😵
Eventually, I’d go to sleep then wake up with a ton of creative ideas🌈🌀⛈️🙌 😉😁. All noteworthy. Not all story worthy 🤷
▪️😒My last relationship lasted for six years. It was an emotional hell-o-coaster 👋😠😤💢 It led me down a dark slump☔. One of the things he did often was hate on my inspiration. I didn’t understand why🤔 and I genuinely tried to.
💢 😑I told him one day, “Why are you so negative? You’re like a giant negative cloud.”
He never gave a plausible deniability btw. Always said something along the lines of having my hopes 😐 “too high” and “letting me know how reality works” 😒 It’s always when you’re completely over them when you see them for 🐴 they are.
👑 King supports 💯😌 It’s actually a lil weird 😂 In a good way. He sends me lil cute 😍❤️🤗 texts and messages, which I’m 🍭🤤😋. We’re coming up on our six month anniversary🎊
▪️My 🗓️📑📖 for the next few weeks is jammed. I’ve never been, busy, busy… Before. Me👈 And I mean, not jus with family and a 9-5, I’m 📕 with design work ebon affects 🌼
😃😁👍 yaaaaaaaas 🙌 I would like to thank…😆 But yes 🙏🙌
Opportunities. I’m truly blessed and it inspires me to keep going. Looking at all the 🗓️📑 and figuring all the 🧠💪 I’m going to need to succeed is 🤯. King is really good at bringing me back from the 🕳️
Definitely going to need to keep eating more 🥗🍏🍊🍅 than 🍩🍫. And stick to my 💪🚶♀️🏋️ and 🛐