Merry Christmas

🎄tonight…

December 25th | 20:04

I wish, I could say, I’m blogging tonight on good terms. I am experiencing another one of life lil choices. Before I go into the choice, I would like to provide a lil backstory. October 2011, I met a guy who had potential to be more than what he appeared. I believed and trusted and kept thinking that in due time he will see what loving a family means. A year later we had our precious princess. I ignored the signs that told me otherwise, that this man, who I truly wanted to become more than what he was, was not that man. Yet a snake in the grass. He cheated. He lied. Manipulated. Twisted the one thing he knew he could twist and bend and took advantage of me like a fiddle. A repeated song, that played for 6 years until finally, after nearly losing my life, my family, and myself, I broke free.

Now, though I want nothing to do with this snake, we have a princess together and I couldn’t jus take her father from her, even though he sat for 6 years of her life on the couch, on the bed, smoking marijuana and playing videos games. He had no real contribute to her life other than his mother who he ripped off with lies about how he needed money to do this and that. I put up with that when were together. Thinking that I didn’t have to suffer to that lack of ambiguous and self-resilient life, I bent backwards and forward to co-parent with this man and now his girlfriend/ “wife”.  

Yea, I know. It seems like I’m jus the jealous ex. Slandering the father of her daughter because they’re not together. Please, believe me when I say this: leaving him was the healthiest and righteous thing I could do for me and my children. I have no envious bone towards what they built. But I do have a problem with the environment if I feel like its unhealthy for princess. Again, seems like jealousy. Maybe a lil part of me is jealous that his good for nothin ass found someone else but I’m not surprised and has or ever will plan to homewreck what they have. I sincerely despised the man with an eternal flame that ignited the 1st year of our relationship and has been blazing since. What I dislike about this family that the 8-year-old girl or 10-year-old boy have no respect for their mother and talks quite awful about her mother’s new partner. Though I don’t blame them. He is truly poison.

These children are subjected to a life that is not heavily impacted by education, which bothers me so because education is highly important to me and is the foundation of a better future. Instead these children run with no shoes nor warm clothing in below temperature weather. Honestly, I feel very judgmental, but I believe it’s what I overhear and what I observe that is unnerving. They have no respect for their parents and jus explode with anger when they disagree with their parents and she does nothing to address it. It happens so much that my own princess believed that she too could do that. I attempted to plead with her father and his girlfriend my concerns, but they disregarded it like I spat nonsense. I do not like being disrespected, especially by a child. I’ve tried, and God knows how I tried to co-parent. But truth be told, I’ve been raising my children alone all this time, I don’t want any help. I can’t fathom how they can live with no furniture but have money to splurge on junk and drugs.

I know very well it’s me. I do not want my children around that type of living. They’ve already isolated my son saying that he can’t come over their place yet let their children do what they want. So, tonight I gave in to the hate broiling inside and told her father she would not be over his house or around that family as much. I am restricting her from that environment and him. I know, I’m the bad mom. The bitch. The jealous ex. Whatever. Call me what you feel. But I am done working things out.  I am done trying to get along with people who are not serious about their children future.

She’s going to hate me I know, my princess. But I’m willingly to bite that bullet. Fuck with everyone else has to say. Fuck how everyone else will feel. I truly and for the first time, do not give a fuck. I am exhausted.

For now on, I am that petty bitch. That “baby mama” who does everything in her right to get what she deserves, especially when it comes to my children.

I am now playing the role of the villain.

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