hello friends. i know, it’s been a damn long time. it has. there aren’t any excuses for neglecting my blog, but like others i have a few and want to explain mine. i believe you deserve to know what’s happening and what had occurred.
what occurred? me. emotionally. mentally. i broke. gave in to the demon towing my shadow and dropped to a new low. a new, confusing and yet understanding low. a familiar I couldn’t put my finger on. yes, i broke and as Melanie Martinez would sing i’m a ‘crybaby’.
i’m not ashamed about breaking down, crying nonstop. i’m heartbroken that it even happened. what did I do that tainted my resolve? or better yet what did I didn’t do?
those questions got the best of me and i voluntarily admitted myself into a mental health clinic. it was a long stay… okay, a day, but that break from my reality gave me insight that others saw looking from the outside.
i am a student. i am a mother. i am engaged. i am someone who is looking to improve her craft, no matter the risks. and one risk, i lack to consider was i can only do so much.
i thought, i could. and it broke me. i lost my job. i failed my course. i had lost, again, everything i work hard to build. it was then i saw my own faults. i saw my own strengths. i saw myself as a person.
because of my academic, i seriously worked my ass off and got 100/A+ for my 8 week course and had managed the same dance up until the 5th week of my second course, i was able to withdraw from the course without any penalties towards my grade.
however the persona i created during that course, i could not continue with the repeated course. that devastated me. it took me years to understand myself, my wants and needs. managing my personal social media is a task, but two others? oh, my.
it took me quite a while to adjust, but i manage. this blog will still be here. i will continue to write creatively. but, it’ll jus take me a lil longer to have the story polish in a way that i feel comfortable sharing with you guys.
so, life is never fair will be the source of my journey. ks philosophy, which is now sugoi ks, is my pen name for my photography (which, i’m in the midst of putting together a portfolio 👍😁) and visual and written storytelling.
it’s smother in a pack of pickles to manage, but ive learned it’s all about priority and time management, which i’ve implemented quite hastily upon learning.
i know this piece is longer than most. i understand if you want to move on pass to the next blogger. but, if you’re jus ‘a lil curious’ about part two… don’t be afraid to click on the hot steaming cup of coffee. thank you for sticking around ❤️